Accepting Generosity - easier said than done.

This past weekend my daughter Olivia and I went to Palm Desert and stayed at the Desert Springs Marriott. The room was comped since Olivia was performing Saturday evening and had to deliver some of the gear that was required for the event.

Upon check in, the clerk stated that room, parking, and restaurant were taken care of. This was news to both of us since we just thought it would be the room only. We asked, "are you sure" and the clerk stated yes. So we thought cool, we'll be able to eat too. :)

We spent that afternoon at the pool, ordered some drinks, put the tab on the room. We went to dinner, had a fabulous meal and a couple of drinks and put that on the room. Saturday when I went to check out and clear up the drinks/incendentals from our stay ( we both assumed that we would pay for our own drinks) the clerk smiled and said,  "there are no incendentals to pay  for Ms. Brown". I said, "are you sure? We thought we would pay for our own drinks?" She smiled and said, "yes, everything is covered".

I almost started to cry right then and there. Seriously, I started to well up because of the swell in my heart from something good actually happening to me - that I had not put effort into making happen myself! It is so weird for me, a giver, to actually be a receiver. I don't know how to act when someone shows me generosity.

As  I was driving home from Palm Desert it struck me, that maybe this is a lesson that I need to learn during this upheaval in my life. Many people have said, "Let me know what I can do to help - anything - really." I smile and shake my head of course I'll let you know. But will I really? Or will I continue to try and do everything myself in-spite of my physical limitations?

Why does accepting someones generosity make me feel like I am a weakling? Why should a kind word or random act of kindness throw me for such a loop? How do I learn to say "Yes, I'd love some help", and be OK with it?

Namaste'