Happy 2nd Hip Hooray Anniversary - 5 weeks post surgery

This past week has been full of successes - some big and others minor, but my recovery is, for the most part, moving along.

I graduated to a cane this last Wednesday. I was a little nervous but I am faring well. I do find that I get tired more quickly, than when I was using the walker. I also find that when I get tired my limp really shows and my knee starts to hurt. Usually when one joint is suffering, the joint above or below takes the brunt - so my knee pain is most likely a result of week muscles on the right side. I have to remember to stop, sit and rest for a while - then I'm good for another short time period.

I saw the Surgeon this week. I am now allowed to go in the pool. The incision has mostly healed - but they are very cautious about infection in that area.  I have to keep an eye on the incision and if it looks funky or has pain I have to notify them right away. If infection gets down into the new joint it could mean open me up again and start all over - YUCK!!! The surgeon also said that all my soft tissue healing should be done in the next few weeks. After that it is a long slow process to gain my muscle strength back. I hope my muscle memory is strong and snaps back sooner - rather than later.

I've been in physical therapy 2 times a week and have been doing my own PT exercises at home another 3 times a week. I swam yesterday (swimming is hard!!!) and did some one legged squats in the pool and step ups on my surgery leg. I was amazed how sore I was today from such a simple pool workout. I am also noticing that my feet hurt all the time. I think it is because I walk all crooked, so the bottoms of my feet are working differently...and shoot howdy they are letting me know all about it!

I am off the scary pain meds! Thank goodness. I am now just taking Motrin 800 as needed for pain. I am so happy to be off the narcotics and most of the time feel clear headed . Speaking of clear headed - I am feeling less depressed. For that I am grateful. I am settling into my situation, and understand that this is not forever - but for now I have to accept my fate and keep an optimistic outlook.

I'm still not driving and most likely won't be for at least another month. My daughter has been a great helper and driver and many friends and family have lent me their amazing driving skills to and from Dr. appts , lunch, the store etc. I am so grateful for the support I have been blessed with!

A quick note - a Yoga student of mine is dealing with some pretty serious health issues right now - if you could send positive affirmations and healing thoughts his way I'm sure it would lift his spirits.

Namaste'

Aparigraha - One of the five Yamas or Moral Codes

One of the Yamas is Aparigraha (a-par-i-gra-ha), which has been translated as “non-hoarding”, “non-possessiveness” and “non-attachment”.  the meaning is so much more complicated than these three simple definitions. But for my posting I like to think it means “taking only what is necessary for you to live”.

I found this website that does a great job defining Aparigraha - the wording it uses resonates in me and sparked me to consider if I have been hoarding or to attached to my strong body and perhaps taking it for granted - which may have resulted in me not being honest (Satya - truthful - one of the Yamas) with myself about my body's limitations. Was I ignoring signals that were telling me something wasn't right? I'm so proud of my strong body and all that it can do - but was my ego - my attachment- my pride in that strong body, blinding me to the truth?

The website says:
"What does “taking only what is necessary for you to live” really mean? This means that we must have the basic objects to live a comfortable, safe and healthy life and that the purpose of material things we have in our life is to allow us to live this way. Instead of thinking of possessions as status symbols or something that represents our success, they should be thought of as simply tools that allow us to accomplish our goals in life."

Now that my body is slowly withering away, ( OK - so not withering away -but boy is it starting to get soft everywhere) and not able to do even a fraction of what it could do before, forces me to realize that I need to be kinder and nicer to this amazing machine - my body- so it can sustain me during this human life.  I need to only take what I need from it to really live. I will treat it with kindness and caring and not be so critical of its limitations - now and in the future.  Does this mean I won't push it when I'm fully recovered? Probably not, but in doing so it won't be for my need to be better or stronger or faster - but to keep it in tip top working order so I can accomplish everything that this life throws at me.

Namaste'

website link if you are interested:  http://www.instantgoodkarma.org/Aparigraha.html

Physical Recovery Update - I'll save my pathetic whining for another post

 

Just wanted to give a full report on how I am recovering physically from my surgery. This is much better than my mental state.

 

• Staples are out and my 11 inch scar is finishing its healing with surgical strips
• I still cannot go into the pool until the incision completely heals - this is killing me. I could at least be getting an awesome tan floating in the pool. :)
• I've started PT twice a week and am very happy with my therapists.
• I've been doing my exercises as directed by my PT and can see progress being made already. Yay!
• The PT said I could ride the recumbent bike at the gym for 20-30 minutes. YAY!
• I have also started to incorporate a few very modified Yoga asanas. These are mostly restorative and chest and arm pit openers. Remember an open armpit makes us happy and helps to cure depression. I should be walking around with my arms up all the time -maybe that would help. hahahaha
• I am starting to back off on my meds a little which is a good thing since they really F with my mind.
• I'm starting to get more visits from friends and family and found that even a small daily outing can boost my optimism.
• I'm still dependant on my sexy walker but am hoping to transition to a cane in the next few weeks.

Thank you to everyone who has been in touch with me. Your kind words and outreach of love make a difference in my recovery.

 

Namaste'

 

 

Svadhyaya - Self study for a better life

Have you ever had a tightness in your heart that felt as if it were trying to suck you down into the depths of darkness?  That no matter what you did to move forward it just seemed to envelope you and block your way back to normalcy? Many of you are shaking your head Yes. For me this is a first, my normally happy, positive attitude has been replaced with sadness. And while not really a negative attitude has replaced a positive attitude - I just feel..well...sad. This sadness for lack of a better word is so pervasive that I cannot figure out how to get out of it.

As a result I have been digging deep into my mind, body and spirit. In Yoga this is called Svadhyaya. self study, self reflection - the willingness to look at behaviors that drive us in this human life. This self study helps us to see ourselves more clearly and hopefully in the process pierce through the self image veil so we can come out on the other side more whole and at peace with what this life has given us.

So in my self study I first tried to determine the root cause of my sadness. The root cause has not been too difficult to figure out. Just look at everything that has happened to me in the last few months. My real distress is my inability to find my way out of this sadness. You have to understand that I am a person who sets goals and then achieves them. Even if that means that I have to just put my head down and muscle my way through it. The problem is I can't figure out a way to muscle through this and end up on the other side.

Part of the problem is I don't know what is on the other side - I thought I did 6 months ago when I quit my job and opened a Yoga studio - but we all know how that turned out. So what does my other side look like now??? How do I get there if I don't know what it is I'm getting at?

Time for more Svadhyaya - I guess.

Namaste' my friends. I miss seeing all of your smiling happy faces. Please remember to practice your Yoga.

Amy's medicated mind

I have had many interactions with members of the medical profession over the past few weeks. Some good, some marginal and some downright disturbing. Of course all of these perceptions are laced with Amy's medicated mind - but that too gives extra cause for concern that these medical people should realize what they say and do can have profound effects on the patient.

I have found some pretty dark places in my mind over the past few months. The overwhelming sadness I had been experiencing before the surgery as I anticipated my fate, now seems light and flowery compared to the darkness since the surgery.

Some of that post surgery sadness was a result of the grieving process - that I know - but some of that sadness was a direct response to the words coming from my health care providers. And as I began to get really pissed off at one particular care provider and allow his words to plunge my normally optimistic mind down further into the scary abyss of Amy's medicated mind, - I realized that he was really just doing the best that he could. He thought he was helping. He didn't get up that morning and make the conscious decision to fuck with my life - he really was just trying to  be helpful - in the ways that he knew; albeit - flawed at best.

The lesson here is that we all get up and try to do the best that we can. Sometimes with positive results and sometimes not. But deep inside we are all good, we are all trying to make a difference during our brief time on this earth. Sometimes things get in our way as we are trying to do good - our ego, our worries, our medications, our finances, our relationships, - and yes these do affect our interactions with others -whether we want to believe it or not.

So instead of judging others based on their limitations or our interactions with them I try to remember that they are doing the best they can - just like me. We are all interconnected and the thoughts we share with each other - or keep to ourselves - radiate out into the universe and ultimately have affects on others. I'm not saying that I have to accept this medical clowns opinion - I don't  - nor will I let his words affect me any further - but I will accept that he means well. And be thankful that I only have one more appt with him and he can mean well with someone else. :)

Can't at least one thing be easy?

This is my first post since surgery. The last week has been tougher than I ever expected. I discovered that not one thing is easy to do while you are recovering from surgery - NOT ONE. No not even "smiling" as a family member of mine texted me in one of my worst days of recovery. The only thing that would have made me worse that day, would have been if I had thrown that phone at the wall like I wanted to after I recieved that text. The good news is I am feeling a little better today and I still do love my sister in law.

The things we take for granted - those mundane things that are so "inconsequenctial" are the things that are really the glue of our lives. Lose those things like - standing up straight, sleeping on your side, picking up  something that you dropped, washing your face, taking a shower, putting lotion on, making coffee, getting the mail, petting the dog, pooping ( yes I know TMI - but seriously that was the WORST day of recovery so far) and you realize that the great big events of our lives are not really so significant without the ability to  do the simple things that we automaitcally do and have done for so long.

The Yoga Sutra's discuss this "Human Trait" of ours. This trait that dismisses the mundane and routine and sensationalize the pleasure events. The Yoga Sutra's say that this constant gratification seeking is really the undoing of our life. While we think we are getting pleasure from the sensational - in truth it only causes suffering. We are always looking for the next big thrill or new drama or longer bike ride or newest pose we can get into - when what really matters is someting as simple as getting up, breathing and being thankful for just that.


Now for some surgery detail stuff

• Surgery took about 2 hours.
• I was fitted with a 36M ceramic ball joint and plastic infused with vitamin E cup. This is supposed to last me 20 -25 years (maker BIOmet)
• Surgeon took another 100CCs of green stuff out of me during the surgery. He explained that there was more but he was unable to reach it since it was located near arteries and he was afraid of causing any additonal damage.
• Tthe incision site is gruesome, it is 11 inches long
• The surgery was mostly without incident, my real issues have been low blood presure and bad reactions to the meds they used during surgery and afterward.
• The hospital staff at Redlands Community were awesome  and made my "stay" as pleasurable as they could.

Now that I am back among the living - I'll post more frequently.

Namaste"

Envision the future that you want

Last week I was treated to a 2 hour massage by my friend Cheryl. Cheryl is a masseuse as well as a Chinese face reader and specializes in intuitive massage. This means while she is massaging you she often times receives messages from spiritual guides. These messages can help us through difficult issues or simply encourage us to stay on a certain path or change course direction.

After the massage, Cheryl related to me that the spiritual guides reminded me to picture the surgeon performing the surgery, his competent capable hands repairing my injury and making me whole again. By envisioning this I can alleviate anxiety and in a sense feel more acceptance of the surgery since I have already been through it in my mind.

This reminded me that all my life I have used this visualization method to reach my goals. Everything that I have set out to do and ultimately accomplished in my life was at first a vision in my head. By being proactive in my goals - seeing them, planning them, then executing them I was able to accomplish many things in my life. I realized that with the onset of the diagnosis of my hip and impending surgery - I had slipped into reactive mode - reacting to my situation and letting it control me instead of me controlling (not a great word to use) the outcome.

So last night (while I was awake for hours on end) I envisioned the surgeon carefully making me whole again. I also began to see me getting out of the hospital bed and being strong. Accepting help from my doctor, PT, family and friends and learning to walk independently on my own two feet.

I'm liking what I see.

Namaste'