Amy's medicated mind
I have had many interactions with members of the medical profession over the past few weeks. Some good, some marginal and some downright disturbing. Of course all of these perceptions are laced with Amy's medicated mind - but that too gives extra cause for concern that these medical people should realize what they say and do can have profound effects on the patient.
I have found some pretty dark places in my mind over the past few months. The overwhelming sadness I had been experiencing before the surgery as I anticipated my fate, now seems light and flowery compared to the darkness since the surgery.
Some of that post surgery sadness was a result of the grieving process - that I know - but some of that sadness was a direct response to the words coming from my health care providers. And as I began to get really pissed off at one particular care provider and allow his words to plunge my normally optimistic mind down further into the scary abyss of Amy's medicated mind, - I realized that he was really just doing the best that he could. He thought he was helping. He didn't get up that morning and make the conscious decision to fuck with my life - he really was just trying to be helpful - in the ways that he knew; albeit - flawed at best.
The lesson here is that we all get up and try to do the best that we can. Sometimes with positive results and sometimes not. But deep inside we are all good, we are all trying to make a difference during our brief time on this earth. Sometimes things get in our way as we are trying to do good - our ego, our worries, our medications, our finances, our relationships, - and yes these do affect our interactions with others -whether we want to believe it or not.
So instead of judging others based on their limitations or our interactions with them I try to remember that they are doing the best they can - just like me. We are all interconnected and the thoughts we share with each other - or keep to ourselves - radiate out into the universe and ultimately have affects on others. I'm not saying that I have to accept this medical clowns opinion - I don't - nor will I let his words affect me any further - but I will accept that he means well. And be thankful that I only have one more appt with him and he can mean well with someone else. :)